THE ANATOMY OF LOVING ONESELF

I will put out in simple truth.

Self Love is not a fairy tale with a stable ending.

Self Love is not a mega-fast bullet train. Neither is it just pink roses and saffron marigolds.

The Essence of The Process of Loving oneself is quite a tumultuous path to embark on. As much as consumerism might have branded ‘self-love and care’ for selling products, Self-Love in actuality is messy, unruly, crisscrossed, jiggered, and never a straight line. It is chaotic and Self Love resides in Chaos. Why must one pursue it then? 

Each of us has our Chaos to face. Each of us has our Chaos to share. Chaos is in the pain that our muscles carve themselves in. Chaos is in the adrenaline of each beating heart who wants to live. Chaos is in the mind that wants to be one. Chaos is in the name that wants to be heard. Chaos is in the steps of our feet. Chaos is in the hands that we hold. Chaos is us. And we are a self.

Self-Love is never a Straight Line and can never be an upbeat trend. Self-love is zig zag, self-love is up and down. Self is round and round. Self-love could make you dizzy. Loving the self is scary. Why is it scary? 

Self-love is like an orange. The peels of an orange are the armours one creates to face society. Self-love does not let you keep armours. Self-love makes you hug yourself. Self-love is scary because it blatantly shows You, yourself. And when has one ever let us look at ourselves with the eyes like a blank sheet of paper?

Every stage of life has made you wear peels like suit coats, one on top of the other. Every comment has slapped you in the calves so that one can take command of the direction of your feet. The direction of where you are heading to. You were born a blank sheet of paper and life with its external forces painted all colours of black, grey. Blue and red on it. You moved, moving, with the burden of the heavy peels on yourself. Self-love is chaotic because it destroys those peels.

It destroys the peels that make you afraid of yourself. It destroys the peels that turn you into a slave for someone else. It destroys the peels that make you bend to more unjustified pain and humiliation. It destroys the peels that never let you see yourself. 

What are these peels? Where did they come from?

These peels are made of anxious words of expectations. These peels are made of societal constructs that do not allow the existence of individuality and self-expression. These peels have been toppling one upon the other from the minute one takes birth, as this world is too eager to take control, too greedy to rule, and too selfish to unleash ravaging power on anybody-power fuelled by greed and selfish ambition. Power fuelled by apathy, power fuelled from narrow-minded perspectives. A power that erupts to diminish others. Self-love destroys it all.

Self-love is not in the size of your jeans. Self-love is not in Instagram fitness routines. Self-love is not in the hashtags, likes, comments and numbers. Self-love isn’t in borrowed swag and personas.You won’t be able to find self-love selling itself to you in this fast-paced world of production and consumption. Self-love is not a commercial commodity that can be sold. Self-love cannot be found in binge services. 

Self-love is slow. Self-love is like the summer winds across the sunset beaches. Self-love is like the breaking of plates and cleaning the mess with patience. Self-love is Patience. Self-love is like the taste of bitter gourd pushing you to seek your health.  Self-love can also be in the river rafting tears of the eyes, that cry from all the pains one has had to endure. Self-love is in the emotional ride of being yourself. Self-love is in the frustrations of the want to grow and become. Self-love is the attainment of clarity. Self-love is in the anger of injustices around you. Self Love is in Empathy. Self-love is being able to differentiate between freedom and indulgence. Self-love is in appreciating your dichotomies to society’s conformities. Self-love is hearing out the desire of your shadow self to grow and for your light self to be. Self-love is in the persistence of change and growth. Self Love is swimming through the highs and lows. Self- Love is in the acknowledgment of You. Self Love is Chaos. Self Love is Commitment. Self Love is in Companionship. Self Love is Contentment. Self Love is Bravery. Self Love can be You. In the end, Self-love remains a Choice. Your Choice.

Do you want to?   What is your Choice?